Frozen By Possabilities
The stagnation causing chaos from lack of clarity
Will it, won’t it? Should I, COULD I? Will I, won’t I? What if this, what if that? Where do I do it? What if I don’t? What if you DO?
A theme has been circulating in my life lately, and it’s paralyzing. Whether I’m subconsciously applying it to things or it’s external, and that theme is the lack of clarity and distinct choice.
Why am I writing this, will anyone read it, where should I write it? Substack, Substack Subscription, LinkedIn, Instagram?! Should I be posting this publicly?! It’s not 2008 anymore, where blogs can get by being a stream of consciousness.
Pretty much Oct - end of Feb/early March were foggy. I had enough to get on with and would touch in with certain upcoming projects but wasn’t psychologically ready to take on the pace I was in 2022 - and I don’t think I want to. Many of those months were too much mentally. Too much work on at once, too much stress, anger and out-of-controllness at home, too much loss in my personal life.
The world going through another tech bubble crash - which, bluntly, probably needed to happen at some point - that has affected the workforce globally. This has impacted work pipelines for many businesses, many friends have lost their jobs, many are struggling to find new ones and VCs have taken a massive step back. Should I be worried about my career? Am I too worried about my career? Am I not worried enough?
ChatGPT launched and AI became everything overnight (or so it felt). This has not been put through ChatGPT, though I was tempted. Dear ChatGPT, is the person who wrote this insane? JOKES.
Will my work evolve? Will a client sign on the dotted line? When will they email me back? When should I move on?
I do miss my musings in blog format. I miss writing for me. I write a blog post a year saying that exact thing - and maybe I’ll actually start doing it again regularly. I want to write my other substack project, which I’ve put off due to work & home life for years.
I want consistency & control - even if for just a little bit.
I want to know each day won’t be meltdown city at home. I want to know I can exercise without guilt multiple times a week. I want to know I’ll get a full night’s sleep. I want to know we’ll be able to achieve things in a weekend, I want to know the job is definitely kicking off today. I want to know where I can flex, what I should prioratise and where to put which thoughts down on paper.
I want to know that my expectations of others aren’t unrealistic.
What do you get from a control freak and perfectionist?
A failed, out-of-control perfectionist 😉🤪😅
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